


Bittersweet Realities

by blooming_Ednae



Category: Steins;Gate
Genre: F/M, Okakuri Week 2017, okakuriweek2017, steins gate 0 spoilers for chapter 5, transferring over from my tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 17:58:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12237861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blooming_Ednae/pseuds/blooming_Ednae
Summary: "Do you remember when we first met?"(For Okakuri Week 2017; seven different prompts, one for each day).





	1. Fate

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of OkaKuri Week (held September 17 - 23), here are the prompts which I had posted on tumblr from that time! It's been a joy to write about these two wonderful tsundere scientists. ~

(Based on Kurisu’s thoughts while she lay atop Radio Kaikan, right before Okabe comes and it begins to rain).

> _“I’m trying to not let it show, that I don’t want to let this go,  
>  _ _Is there somewhere you can meet me?” ~_ **_“Is There Somewhere”_ ** _by Halsey_
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

Her mind swirled with emotions.

Like the clouds above her, her mind was an overwhelming state of emptiness and emotion. One emotion caused her to think of other possibilities to prevent other tragedies, yet another clashed within her, marked with selfishness and pride. Another finds it all too cumbersome to deal with and suddenly, she finds herself thinking of everything but anything at all.

Her head hurt; she didn’t know how to process it all. There was no theory to help ground herself in the current situation, no analysis to help breakdown what she could do next.

Sighing, she spread out her arms in exasperation as she lay on the cold cement. The roof of Radio Kaikan was the place she needed to be; if she went into the lab, she’d find Mayuri or Okabe quickly and she couldn’t…face them yet.

Especially him.

Closing her eyes, she breathed in slowly and exhaled, her mind still muddled from the mess she couldn’t make out to be. Everywhere she went, she saw him; everything she thought, she saw her; and every emotion she felt, she saw them both, the two people she cared so dearly for.

When did it happen? When did it begin? She wondered to herself, thinking about his stupid smile all the same. It was a ridiculous game that she felt her heart was playing on her and what she wanted the most was for it to stop. She wanted to stop this cycle of endless banter in her head, the fluttering of her heart when he’d say her first name, the flush of heat that came to her face when he came close to her in an unexpected times.

Her mind wanted it to stop, but her heart wanted so much more.

There was a warmth in her heart that wanted to care for the both of them, and wanted the world to work in their favor. It laced her thoughts with positivity and hope and reflected her expressions with optimism and brightness.

But this selfishness stabbed her countless times in her mind, deteriorating each thought into a million pieces, breaking down each emotion into analytical bits, and drying up the heartfelt emotions she once had expressed through tears in front of him. It brought her up, and pulled her down into the abyss she had always known as rationale and truth.

To put simply, she hurt. It hurt in waves of unclouded origin, and each washed over her in despair and lonely truth because there was ultimately  _no solution_  in her mind no matter how many times she’s thought about the process. The overbearing weight of each was enough to send her away into another location far from Akihabara and this world, and closer to her heart where she wanted to be.

Was there such a place, she wondered? A place that existed between 0 and 1 in the outskirts of what was meant to be?

And she saw and heard it again; his smile, his voice, the way he flaunted his demeanor, the way he cared for other lab members in his peculiar way, the scent of his lab coat, the way he said her name in a quiet and coarse voice. Somewhere elsewhere, she wanted to return his smile, respond to him, hold him, and tell him everything was going to be alright, and where she could finally-

Her eyes shot open and the clouds above her had only gathered more immensely, looking darker than before. In her heart, she felt the silly urge to cry because her mind finally opened its door to the truth she had been avoiding.

Like steps in a complicated dance, everything finally halted to observe the surroundings, the analysis of what subject there was to dance about. She felt herself stumbling over her thoughts again once she realized-

She had fallen in love with Okabe Rintaro.

And there was no stopping what was to happen; time would keep moving forward, fate reaching its cruel tangents over them to weave what was supposed to happen and they were its prey. The chains that tied around her and Mayuri were never meant to be released at the same time; it was either one, or the other.

She knew she couldn’t toy with Fate. It was an unscientific thought beyond her own mind to think of such a matter, but the look in his eyes was enough proof to know that one could not get away from it easily. No matter what her mind thought of, no matter what her heart wanted from him-

In the end, they were both two people that were just never meant to meet.

It crushed her, knowing such a place will never exist; but, she had grown to love Mayuri just as much as Okabe had and in her mind…that meant so much more than her own existence.

For her to live, and for him to be happy…and finally be free from the chains that had been weighing him down countlessly.

The sound of rushed footsteps coming in her direction broke her from her thoughts and she suddenly sat upright, as it sounded urgent and slightly frightened-

But when she locked eyes into his golden ones as he stood before her, hair frazzled, breathing rapid - her mind became a clouded blank once more; seeing his concerned expression began to slowly shed light over her thoughts and decision, and the heaviness that once laid in her mind was now on her heart.

 _This…is what I’ve decided,_  she concluded.

No one could ever tempt Fate.

* * *

 

> _I’m sorry but I fell in love tonight.  
>  _ _I didn’t mean to fall in love tonight._


	2. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steins;Gate 0 - based, but no heavy spoilers included.

> _“They say it’s what you make,  
> _ _I say it’s up to fate  
> _ _It’s woven in my soul,  
> _ _I need to let you go.” ~_ **_“Demons”_ ** _by Imagine Dragons_
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

Time. Time. Time.

The ever repeating word echoed in his head in his thoughts, with every breath he took from his lungs, and with every pounding beat in his heart. The cruel reminder of being  _alive_  and experiencing  _time_ itself was like a knife being struck into his body, twisting its blade further into him to form horrible experiences of repeated cycles, deaths, and loss.

He caught his breath. Why? What was time, anyhow? Infinite? Definite? A terrible invention by man? Didn’t man already commit the greatest action against the universe when it decided to make the Infinite into a Definite?

It’s seen everywhere; within the small ticks of a watch, within the digitized numbers on an alarm clock, within the daily schedules of meetings and tv programmings, and down to the very minute actions of eating three meals daily. It’s inhabited by man, controlled by man, and constrained within the confines of what was created.

Yet time, was infinite. It’s free bounded, tied to no obligations; rather, used generally by anyone who can attain their hands on it. In the end, it was not controlled, per say; it was  _worked_  around to be the best convenience of man itself.

He exhaled. So why? Why did it hurt him so much? Why did it haunt him? Why did  _he,_ out of the billions of individuals in the world, touch the untouchable?

He clutched his forehead with his free hand, sweat beginning to form. He learned, the hard way, the realms of which man had forewarned their future predecessors.

It had been a joke, he thought. No one could have gotten hurt from a harmless experiment, he thought.

Sudden flashbacks formed in his head, once again. It had been half a year and he thought it would’ve been easier to by now to get used to. But the recurring scenes of Mayuri dying repeatedly, the dreams of the other lab members he had to crush to undo all the timelines, and lastly,  _her_ , her eyes flashing from bittersweet sadness traced with love and suddenly flashing to her full of blood, on his hands-

He stopped walking, sat, and quickly grabbed the bottle out of his pocket, taking out a medication pill before swallowing it whole while drinking his water quickly. Sweat had begun to profusely form without his knowledge, and even in the winter chill of the Akihabara streets, he was warm, shaky, and slightly nauseated.

After a few deep breaths and waiting for time - the cursed word - to pass by as his medication began to recover him, he stood up again.

That’s right. Time. Time was what brought him here. Time continuously flowed, only dropping a few light insights to help along the way. But ultimately, it does  _not_  stop. It keeps going, like a cogwheel continuously ticking away, matching the rhythmic beating of his own heart as if to curse or mock his very own existence.

Because he concluded, one hour later as he sat next to Maho Hiyajo with Amadeus Kurisu looking at him directly in the eye with no recollection of who he was, in the end, man does not control time; time controls man.

Like a river, fate overflows with man’s choices; like a river, time flows with the natural current of man’s choices. And the choices are swept along every which way, controlled by the very fate it is set to.

* * *

 

> _Don’t get too close  
> _ _It’s dark inside  
> _ _It’s where my demons hide._


	3. Proposal

_“It was a strange place and a tender age,_  
_I was just a babe in school_  
_Saw them roll their eyes at me_  
_Every time that I thought that I was cool.” ~ “ **Work This Body”** by Walk the Moon_

* * *

“Okabe…are we really going to keep at this?”

Kurisu sighed as she leaned into the couch, eyeing the small electronic contraption on the floor. Wires, bolts, and almost every other possible electronic item was strewn around it in an attempt to get it working.

Without even looking up at her, Okabe just grinned and laughed a low snicker, twisting a screwdriver into the contraption and grinned even wider when it locked in with a satisfying  _snap_.

“Ho? Do I hear Christina waning out from curiosity? I didn’t train my assistant to be  _this weak_ -”

“It’s 4 in the MORNING, Okabe!” Kurisu interjected, throwing a piece of scrap paper wad at his head. He finally looked at her and he frowned when he saw her rubbing her temples, exhaustion wearing down on her. Okabe said nothing and wordlessly began to work on the contraption even faster with more concentration.

If she had been watching him as she wordlessly went to the kitchen, she would’ve seen a bead of sweat slide down from Okabe’s forehead, even though the summer night was quite cool. If she had been watching as she opened the fridge taking out a pudding cup, she would’ve seen the way he fidgeted with his free hand in his pocket, his hand encasing a small box. If she had been watching him as she took a scoop of the sweet pudding to her mouth, she would’ve seen him gulp and noticed the tools shaking a bit more than usual.

But she didn’t. Okabe sighed a breath of relief as he screwed in one final screw into the contraption, turning it up right so that the screen of the small electronic item was facing towards him.

Kurisu watched as Okabe began to look at the screen and the rest of the device, an expression of mixed concern and suspicion resting on her face. As she began to observe him at that moment, it came to a realization for her that he had been more quiet than usual; his obnoxious jokes were endless, of course, but he seemed….more subdued, in Kurisu’s opinion.

She wondered what he was  _really_  up to.

Finishing up the rest of her pudding, Kurisu turned around to throw the container away and she took several small steps forward just behind Okabe, also observing the device they both had created. It was small, a little bigger than a cellphone, but definitely smaller than a laptop. It looked very similar to a phone layout with keypads as well as a large screen and a little antenna. A wire was connected with four electrodes connected.

Kurisu leaned over Okabe’s shoulder to get a better look of the item to which she noticed Okabe visibly flinched as she did so. She quirked her eyebrow at him, but decided to not bring up his strange behavior yet.

“Is it ready to turn on?”

Okabe focused his eyes back on the device and he slowly nodded. “I just installed some batteries here, so I think it does-”

A small beeping sound was heard from the device as soon as he held down a button and the screen came to life. Kurisu smiled as it did, feeling a step of success as it did so. She suddenly began to notice Okabe shake which concerned her; but as soon as she heard the familiar, low laughter, she just rolled her eyes and face palmed.

Okabe broke out into his typical, mad scientist laughter as he held the device in the air triumphantly. He stood up, clutching it tightly and held out his arms in a dramatic pose.

“Today marks the day that the great Hououin Kyouma has created a device no other man has ever ventured before! That’s right, bow to me, as I-”

“Hah?!”

Kurisu interjected his dramatic speech and she stood up, hands on her hips.

“Excuse me, but who’s the one that  _programmed_  its functions in there?! I don’t think this counts as your ‘greatest invention yet’ that you self-proclaimed earlier!” She crossed her arms and smirked. “You have to do better than that if you  _think_  you can surpass my work.”

Okabe coughed and he pointed at her. “Well, your so-called  _program_  wouldn’t have worked if I, the brilliant one, constructed and fixed this contraption all on my own!”

She rolled her eyes. “And  _who’s_  the one that found and bought most of those supplies? I’m pretty sure it was  _me._ ”

“And,” she continued before Okabe could speak, “I’m the one visiting here! I come here to visit for two weeks and we’re here making devices at who knows what hour-”

“And  _that’s_  where you stop, Christina!” Okabe finally interjected on his own. “You’re the one who challenged me, and even  _thought_  of this project earlier in the day, so who’s the one that  _really_  came here to make devices?”

_12 hours earlier:_

_“You know, Assistant, you always seem to make fun of every joke I make as the great Hououin Kyouma-”_

_Kurisu shook her head. “How else do I respond to something so remotely stupid?”_

_Okabe took a step back and choked, slightly offended by her words, but recovered quickly as he usually did._

_“Fine! I will prove to you that I can make an amazing experiment result that you’ve yet to see! And we’ll see who’s laughing then when I work my body to its limits to prove that you are nothing but an assistant and sidekick-”_

_“One week,” Kurisu interjected Okabe’s obnoxious speech, as she sipped on her bottle of Dr. P. He looked at her confused as she took another sip and placed the drink back down on the coffee table of the lab room._

_“I’ll give you one week to give me a proposal report of your so-called great experiment and you’ll have to present it to me fully the next week after,” she continued. She winked. “I think that’s plenty of time, considering I’m only here in Japan for two and half weeks.”_

Kurisu opened her mouth to retort, but she just sighed. She wanted to retort with,  _I didn’t mean that you had to start today,_ but decided against it. Shaking her head, she smirked a bit before finally speaking to him again.

“Whatever the cause, you’ve still to prove to me that you can actually prove that your brain is as smart as your mouth thinks it is.”

Okabe choked at her remark and he just crossed his arms, pretending to not admit defeat. She felt herself smile for a quick moment, realizing that Okabe’s pouting was something she found oddly cute.

…like she’d ever admit  _that_  to him.

“Besides,” she said once again, trying to break her mind from those thoughts, “this  _proposal_  of yours today ended up being a collaborative experiment between the two of us, so this doesn’t necessarily count.”

She heard Okabe mumbled something under his breath, but she decided to let it go. She shook her head from her thoughts from earlier and took a step forward to look at the device which was still humming as it was on. Okabe looked at her as her eyes focused on the screen and he felt a nervous wave wash over him again. This time he gulped, but with Kurisu’s close proximity, she clearly heard that and looked at him, rather confused.

“Are you okay?”

Okabe quickly looked away from her and nodded. “O-of course! I don’t need my assistant’s petty concern-”

He suddenly felt her hand press against his forehead and she tilted her head in confusion. “You don’t seem to have a fever, but you also don’t look well.” She lowered her arm and stared at him.

“Actually, you haven’t looked well at all this whole time. Mind telling me what’s going on?”

Okabe held back a sound that emitted in his throat and he shook his head. “I-it’s nothing! Just a mad scientist’s curiosity feverently taking over my body!”

Kurisu crossed her arms and stared at him, clearly unconvinced. Finally, she sighed.

“Look, if you feel bad that all we’ve done since I’ve visited is stay here, I told you that I don’t really mind-”

“No, it’s not that.”

Okabe’s interruption startled her for a moment, but she stayed silent as he continued to speak.

“Really. I’ll tell you soon.”

Kurisu lightly pushed him on the shoulder which got his attention, and she smiled a bit.

“I haven’t heard that one in years. It’s been four years, and you still feel like you have to hide stuff from me?”

Okabe stayed silent. She sighed in defeat. “Well, whatever it is, it must be something huge, am I right?”

Okabe nodded slowly. She just shook her head and was about to respond again, when he spoke up.

“I’ll tell you today. In fact, very soon.”

Kurisu just stared at him, but she knew him well enough after all these years to be able to trust him. She nodded and smiled.

“I’ll be taking you up on that. I’m holding it on you until you tell me.”

Okabe laughed, and he smiled back. Something he realized in that moment was that no matter how far the distance was between the two of them, moments of comfort like those were common and they often met a mutual state of wordless trust.

Feeling that was settled, she nodded towards the device with curiosity in her eyes.

“Well, are we going to try that, or what?”

Okabe handed her the device. “It’s your program. Maybe you should be its test subject…because after all,  _you’re_ the assistant.”

His small snicker was not missed by her as she glared at him while taking the device. She pressed a couple of the buttons to figure out how Okabe had built it, then figuring out the controls.

“So,” she began as she was fiddling with the buttons, “just to recap: this device works for the purpose of looking at an individual’s places of interest. It takes a quick look into a person’s thoughts and feelings. Whatever location they think of, this device then analyzes the thoughts and the location of which they envisioned.”

Okabe looked skeptically at the device, suddenly worried. “You know, now I’m really wondering if something like that could be accomplished on such a small device…”

Kurisu looked up at him and smirked. “Do you really think I bought those items by mistake? I’m about…75% sure this would work.”

Okabe just shrugged, but Kurisu turned to look at him.

“Do you know how ground-breaking this could be for not just scientists, but for health professionals too? If we could get this to go as far as delving into a person’s long-term memory processes, this could help a numerous amount of individuals suffering with memory loss.”

“Let’s say,” Kurisu continued, “someone suffered with Alzheimer’s Disease. While short term memory is not preserved, long term memory is usually still in tact for these individuals. If health professions can take a look at the long term memory of these individuals, then they can understand what is familiar and therapeutic to help with the Alzheimer’s process, thus making therapy interventions more useful. This could also be done the same with others suffering similar diagnoses as well.”

Okabe began to think. “But don’t you think the potential to use this for harm instead of good is a high rate as well?”

Kurisu nodded. “Naturally. That’s why everything is done in moderation. Too much of anything is harmful, don’t you agree?”

Okabe stared at Kurisu, her usual, inquisitive scientific expression in her eyes. He smiled, knowing that she was confident of the research she’s done; admittedly, he was always impressed over and over again just how smart she really is.

“Of course…,” Kurisu started, staring at the device, “this is probably…going to work. Somewhat. It’ll probably be incomplete.” She took the small electrodes and attached one on each side of her temples, and two on her forehead.

“You know,” she began, laughing, “I don’t even know how reliable this is. It might just read off the temperature of my body to figure out my emotions versus a location.”

Okabe snorted. “You  _did_  say it’s probably incomplete.”

Kurisu shrugged. “Yeah, true enough.” She began to turn on the device and her finger hovered over a small button, before she looked up to him.

“You want the honors?”

Okabe grinned and he took the device. Counting down, he smiled.

“Christina, be amazed by the greatest device created by the best mad scientist yet!” He saw her shake her head as she closed her eyes, waiting for him to begin.

“3, 2,…and 1!”

He dramatically pressed the button and watched Kurisu as she kept her eyes shut in concentration. There was a minute or so of silence as he watched her expressions change every so often, probably remembering certain locations.

As the process continued, he fidgeted around the small box in his pocket.

He hoped the location that was most important to her was nearby.

Suddenly, the device began to ring (very obnoxiously) and it startled Kurisu, causing the electrodes to fall from her head as she stared at Okabe. He looked at the device’s screen which…appeared to be full of numbers and a few letters, causing him to squint with a very confused expression. Kurisu glanced at it and sighed, shaking her head.

“Well. The chances of it failing was 25% and we unfortunately fell in that range-”

She was suddenly cut off by Okabe’s loud obnoxious laughing and she stared at him, startled by his reaction. He suddenly grabbed her wrist, still with the same obnoxious smile on his face.

“I’ve figured it out! Of course, an assistant like you wouldn’t have, but THIS IS IT, THIS IS THE CHO-”

“What are you even talking about?!” Kurisu exclaimed, trying to free herself from Okabe’s grasp, failing to do so.

He continued to laugh, and suddenly, he was pulling her towards the door still laughing.

“COME, ASSISTANT, let me show you the  _genius_  ways of my mind and I shall be the one to prove your location  _correctly_!”

Before she could even protest, Okabe was bringing her towards the door excitedly and she finally let go of his grasp, slightly panting from resisting his pulling.

“I’ll go, I’ll go! Just let me put my shoes on first, okay?!”

Okabe looked down at his house slippers and nervously laughed.

* * *

–

Fifteen minutes later, Kurisu found herself in front of the train station, panting for air as Okabe insisted on running all the way there. The streets of Akihabara were mostly quiet, but the train station was still closed, the lamp lights still on even as a bit of sunlight was starting to light up the night sky.

She stared up at the station with a slight inquisitive look in her eyes and just as she was about to speak, he heard him laugh again. She sighed with embarrassment; sure there weren’t that many people around, but it was still embarrassing…in public.

As he turned to her, he faced the device at her face and he grinned.

“So, what about it? Did you not realize these numbers and letters were actually coordinates?”

Kurisu suddenly took a closer look at the device in front of her face and as she slowly read through the lines, she realized he was right; they were indeed coordinates embedded in all the messy punctuation and unnecessary coding. How he figured that out was probably on a whim, she guessed, but it was a good guess nonetheless.

She looked up at him and grinned. “Well, that’s a pretty good observation you did there, Okabe. But-”

“Look!”

“Huh?-” His sudden interruption confused her as he suddenly (and oddly) started pointing at the sky behind her with a noticeably distant look in his eyes.

If she didn’t turn around to look at what he was supposedly pointing out, she may have noticed that he was fidgeting once again with the item in his pocket. If she didn’t actually believe him for his strange outburst, she may have seen him step back from her. If she didn’t turn her back on him and attempt to find what he was pointing at, she may have seen him slowly getting down on one knee, nearly dropping the box in his pocket as he nervously fished it out of his pockets. If she had been listening, she may have heard the distant sounds of rushed footsteps from behind her with a muffled, “Daru, the  _camera_! Okarin’s already starting!” along with a nervous fidgeting as the lens cover of the camera dropped on the ground with an audible noise. She may have also heard the sound of the familiar Skype call quietly beginning on a distant phone as well, accompanied with a small gasp and, “Okabe-san better hurry up before my break is up!!”.

But she didn’t.

“Okabe, I don’t see what you’re talking about…are you trying to mess-”

And that’s when she turned back around.

She felt as if the world was suddenly spinning and diverging, yet his image was still as clear as day. Everything had become oddly quiet with nothing but the beating of her own heart now drumming against her chest and vibrating within her ears. She felt her mouth grow dry and her face feel completely pale as she stared at  _him_ , the only person to ever feel in such a manner.

Because there he was, kneeling on one knee, box open in both hands, a noticeable drop of sweat suddenly falling from the side of his face as his mouth was slightly parted, as if ready to speak.

It was almost an odd scene, if seen from far away: two individuals in white lab coats in front of the Akihabara train station at nearly 5 AM.

But to Kurisu, as the very thought flashed in her mind, it was simple, silly, and above all, perfect.

She still stood in shock, not knowing what to say, until an audible clearing of the throat was heard from a distance (along with a “Shh!” and “I’m pretty sure Ku-nyan has figured us out by now, nyan.”).

Okabe took that as a cue to stop staring at Kurisu and tried to form the words on his tongue, but he still found himself in a shock.

Here, before him, was the woman he jumped countless world lines for, the woman he once admired and rivaled, and the woman he had grown to become fond of. The same woman who heard his rants, who calmed him down when he felt anxious, who stayed up talking until 3 am in her timezone about his day, and the one who saw past his facade even on a normal day.

Over the course of four years, she was the woman he loved and would spend his entire lifetime with.

She stood before him with the same characteristic shocked expression on her face which he found cute, wearing the same white lab coat which he found attractive, with lips parted in shock which he could kiss, but fought back the urge to.

He realized his staring was probably enough to creep her out a lifetime, and decided to go on with it, even if his was already feeling dry with his head pounding with a million emotions and thoughts.

“K-Kurisu…”

 _Dammit,_  he began to thought.  _Real smooth, Hououin Kyouma._

 _Wait,_ he corrected himself.  _I’m Okabe Rintarou and this is my proposal to the one person that changed my life._

_…And nothing can change that._

Okabe cleared his throat and with some newfound confidence, he did his best to lock eyes with Kurisu’s, who began to waver from the long, deathly silence between the two of them.

“Kurisu,” Okabe began once more. “Even though there are countless things I could say right now, I’ll say it simply with this.”

He shifted a bit on his knee, feeling the pressure of the cement to his knee building up and once he regained his balance, he continued.

“I’ve said it countless times before: No matter what world line, at any time, in any place, I love you. For the past four years, I’ve watched you - no, us - grow in countless places, at different timezones, but I realize now that this feeling of love hasn’t changed.”

“If anything,” Okabe breathed, “it’s only grown. Just as you continue to grow, just as I continue to do so. And it has nothing to do with the other world lines; no, this is just you, the Kurisu before me, who I’ve grown to love and care for no matter the distance and no matter the trials.”

“In any year, and further, I will still love you and continue to watch after you, no matter what it is that comes.”

“And that’s why,” Okabe continued, “I will say it properly.”

He inhaled. Exhaled.

“Makise Kurisu, will you marry me?”

In that moment, there was silence; it was loud, sudden pause in contrast to the subdued streets of Akihabara, but it wasn’t deafening. Rather, Okabe thought, it was comforting, in an odd way.

Slowly, the lamp lights at the train station turned off, as the sun rays began to slowly peak its way into coloring the night sky into a comforting light, signaling the start of a new day. Unbeknownst to them, people began to populate the station and they were catching the eyes of many onlookers. There weren’t very many, but it was enough to cause an audience. Okabe gulped, beginning to think this was a very bad idea as he realized that this was a public space  _and_ he asked the question much later than he originally intended.

As he thought this, Kurisu began to shift. Her mouth had shut and her eyes were casted downwards, and suddenly Okabe felt his stomach tighten, feeling this was a very bad idea indeed. Just as he was about to stand up and get up from his (what he felt like) ridiculous position, he heard a sniffle. He looked around thinking that it was Mayuri or Faris and was about to hush them, when he realized it was Kurisu.

As he looked up at her, her whole face was streaming with tears; something he had  _never_  seen. Yes, he had seen her cry from time to time, but not like…this. He could audibly hear her breathe in as she tried to choke back sobs if they came up and it sounded so painful him that he stood up and took a step forward, in an attempt to do something-

“…you idiot.”

Okabe froze in place as soon as he heard her.

“Kurisu…?” He barely whispered, and before he knew it, Kurisu stepped forward, suddenly banging her fists against his chest in a meek manner, almost as if she were too weak to fight back against him.

“Idiot!” she sobbed into his chest. “Idiot Okabe! You’re such! An idiot!”

With each pause in her exclamations, she’d lightly pound her fist into his chest with tears still streaming from her eyes. Her sobs became incoherent after some time, slowly becoming quieter as she leaned into his chest.

Okabe stood still during the whole ordeal, feeling mixed emotions of confusion, concern, and slight embarrassment as he really _did not know_ what was going on. Was that a yes? Was that a no…?

He just didn’t know.

“Um…Kurisu…”

Before he could continue, she stepped back, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Coarsely, she answered.

“When I meant  _proposal_ , I didn’t mean this context…!”

He nervously scratched the back of his head, knowing he was about to ask a stupid question-

“So is that…”

He noticed Kurisu roll her eyes and face palm. She sighed even louder, her eyebrows in frustration.

“You really ARE an idiot, Okabe Rintarou!” she exclaimed at him, and finally, locking eyes with him, she stood up tall, merely inches away from his face. There were still tears in her eyes and Okabe did what he could in order to hold himself back from wanting to wipe them away.

She suddenly began stutter, words on her mouth difficult to form until she managed to speak in a small voice.

“D-do I…really have to say it aloud…if you weren’t such a  _huge_  airhead!”

She paused again, averting her eyes and suddenly flushing even more red as she turned her eyes the other way (he figured she found the so-called ‘secret camera mission’ conducted by Faris and Mayuri in the background, but he also realized that was probably the least of his worries).

She inhaled and exhaled, closing her eyes in concentration in order to ground herself until she finally locked eyes with him again, speaking in a low voice.

“…Yes. Stupid Okabe, of course I’ll marry you…”

A tear began to stream from her face again, but before she could wipe it away, she felt his hand automatically cup her cheek and wipe away the tear with his thumb. She could only read his expression as mixed emotions of joy and suddenly he breathed in and out as if he were still processing her words.

“Hey…” he said in a low voice. “Close your eyes.”

Kurisu broke out into a smile and a small laugh.

“That’s my line, idiot.”

And before he could react, one of her hands cupped the hand that was on her cheek lightly, and the other against his own cheek as she brought his face closer to hers, closing the gap between the two. He didn’t expect it at all, but he naturally wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him, deepening the kiss.

He knew they were in public, but he shook off the thought. Four years of growth taught them a thing or two in showing mutual feelings to a certain extent.

When they had at least broken away with flushed faces and overwhelmed expressions, the sun began to peak just over the city of Akihabara, its rays finally illuminating the streets to signal a new day. Okabe finally took the ring from the box and fit it around her ring finger; it fit snugly and perfectly. He’d have to thank Mayuri, Feris, and Yuki even more for figuring out her ring size without her being suspicious.

He laughed to himself. The new day was almost like a new beginning for the both of them and he realized that she returned the smile right at him after she had looked at the ring, still clearly in shock of the situation.

“So,” she started, as she cleared her throat, “I guess this version of a proposal works too.”

Okabe flashed a wide grin. “Do you admit defeat? And who’s the one who made fun of me, thinking I’d never work hard enough to do so?”

Kurisu rolled her eyes. “Fine, fine. I guess you win…just this once.”

She held out her hand and intertwined it within his fingers. “Because this loss was worth it in every aspect.”

He smiled again and they both stood for a moment staring at each other. Suddenly, Kurisu let out a small laugh.

“But for the record,” she began as she picked up the device that Okabe had left on the floor, “I was actually thinking of a location more in that direction and not this location, per say.”

She pointed down the road and Okabe realized that she was pointing at the stairs where she first acted like Hououin Kyouma in an effort to cheer him up from all those years ago.

“I don’t know, but…I just felt like it was important place. It was the first thing that came to my mind and I can’t explain it, but I figured it had to do with you somehow.”

Okabe chuckled a little and he shook his head. It was from a different time, he knew, but having dreams or crossed memories of it aren’t factors to rule out. Still, he decided to not mention it.

He suddenly widened his eyes and he face palmed as Kurisu looked at him confused.

“So you mean to tell me…that I technically proposed to you in a location that wasn’t even relevant to you?”

Kurisu stared at him for a second and she began to laugh. “Is that what this is really all about, Okabe? Well technically…this place didn’t come to mind at all….”

Okabe just groaned realizing how his plans had been completely initiated wrong, knowing he’d hear how much he failed at one thing: the location of a proposal.

She just squeezed his hand lightly and he opened her eyes to look at her.

“It’s fine. When we’re here like this, it makes me realize that this place probably has some sort of significance, am I right?”

Okabe just nodded slowly and he smiled. True, he didn’t get the ‘ideal’ proposal and it probably would’ve been better to think about it more rather than go on impulse, but again, that’s what it’s like to be a scientist: sometimes, you just have to with the flow at that very moment.

He squeezed her hand back. “What matters now, is right now. In this world line, and with you.”

She stared at him for a moment and finally stepped towards him for a hug. As she heard the distant footsteps come closer along with some sniffling (was someone crying from the group?), she sighed deeply as she rested her head against his chest. It smelled like the familiar musk and dust of the lab, but to her, it was him altogether.

“Definitely a great proposal.”

* * *

 

 

> _Yeah, I’m a workaholic and I swear, I swear  
>  Yeah, one day I will beat you fair and square._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus:
> 
> “Real smooth, Okarin, you had one job to figure out the location andyou screwed it up despite working so hard on that device you made; at least I didn’t mess up when I proposed to Yuki-”
> 
> “Shut it, Daru! Go explode, you normie.”


	4. Memory

> _“Some things we don’t talk about,  
> _ _Rather do without,  
> _ _And just hold a smile.” ~_ **Never Say Never**  by The Fray
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

A memory; an embodiment of an event, collectively put into quick glimpses as to remind the brain the basis of what occurred. It slips into the mind as quick as its exit; sometimes, it slithers its way as a trigger from a scent, a tone, or from what was seen with the human eye. The brain is an interesting mechanism that transforms physical experiences into abstract thought.

To him, memories were everywhere; in the sweltering heat that often stuffed up the apartment lab, in the musty scent of his lab coat, in the sweet taste of boiled corn, and in the sounds of Akihabara on a regular busy afternoon.

Every location he saw triggered almost everything and anything, but the most important was the sight of her.

Long burgundy hair, the same color that reflected her fiery personality; eyes the color of the cosmos itself, always in pure curiosity; and her lips pursed, always speaking in extremes between intelligent theories and seemingly tsundere phrases. Her movements flowed effortlessly, each movement reflecting how fully alive she was; conscious and breathing, in the same world as him. Each step she took was heavy like the determination in her soul, but as gentle as her personality and soft words behind the mask she so often wore.

With the passing of time, and the accumulation of experiences forming into memories, however, he had seen that mask dissolve every which way. It melted away into the tiny pieces she made herself become, and ultimately revealed her, Makise Kurisu.

Kurisu. The Kurisu he came to admire. The Kurisu he came to argue with often. The Kurisu he came to when he was on the verge of creating a potentially harming item. The Kurisu he came to in every world line, being comforted and heard each time. The Kurisu he lost. The Kurisu he  _almost gave up on_.

The Kurisu he fell in love with.

With every breath he spoke her name, his world came to life. Akihabara became a world of different colors, scents, temperatures; a swirl of emotions would fill his heart each time, as if the world lines themselves were converging inside of him. As soon as her name was spoken, it painted the atmosphere around him with a range of scenes varying in his life so far with her, and how much she had come to embody most of his waking moments.

The sounds of her sarcastic and mocking voice the first time they bantered with each other; the feel of warmth from her body when she reached up behind him to stop him from slamming his phone on the ground in his darkest moments; the taste of her lips from their quick and fleeting first kiss, only to be felt repeatedly after the very first moment; the scent of citrus as she pulled away; and the look in her eyes when she said with affirmation to save Mayuri, a girl loved so very much by the both of them.

Every moment with her elicited different emotions and different memories, becoming a mix of the happier, beginning days to the darkest moments of his lifetime, which were only moments she had witnessed and experienced. Each one, however, built him to who he was at that moment, outlined with a backstory of anguish, but traced over with perseverance and endurance.

As he continued to stare below at the Akihabara city lights, which begun to slowly light in the twilight hour, the back door to the rooftop opened behind him, some feet away. Without turning, he kept his eyes on the city below him as she walked up next to him wordlessly, also leaning over the rail in the fashion as he. From his peripheral vision, her hair began to pick up with the wind, revealing the side profile of her face with a thoughtful gaze in her eye. He knew, they both knew, she wanted to ask, slight concern beginning to form when he said nothing at first. Turning his face towards her, he smiled; not as Hououin Kyouma, but as the Okabe Rintarou she came to knew him as.

“Do you remember when we first met?”

* * *

 

> _You can never say never while we don’t know it,  
> _ _Time and time again  
> _ _Younger now than we were before.  
> _ _Don’t let me go._


	5. Experiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **MAJOR STEINS;GATE 0 SPOILERS**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (As told in Kurisu’s POV of the “reunion” at the beginning of the Antinomic Dual chapter)

> _“If you love me let me go,  
> _ _if you love me let me go,  
> _ _Because these words hurt like knives  
> _ _and often leave scars.” ~_ **_“This is Gospel” (piano acoustic ver.)_ \- Panic! at the Disco**

* * *

“Listen, what you’re seeing right now is…Hmm…It’s a dream. That’s all.”

I lifted my eyes to look at his gold ones, heavy with despair, conflict, and sadness. Suddenly, I took a breath, as I felt a need to settle the nervousness within me before I continued.

“That’s right. You had a dream where you met me. That’s all.”

I smiled. It took all I could to break into one, even if it was a small one. It was as if to reassure myself, in order to deceive myself and to deceive him, to have him believe that everything was alright, and everything before him was nothing but…a fleeting event.

“Well? Doesn’t that make you feel better?”

Without pausing, I kept continuing. I felt myself shaking a bit as I ended that sentence, but I knew that stopping altogether would cause me to break, and I couldn’t…not with him in front of me. I began to explain how the mechanisms of a dream are still so complex, except through memories projected in our minds which are then processed into our sleep-like state. As sad as it was, breaking it into scientific terms was the easiest way to control the situation and by far the most sane way I could keep myself.

That’s right, Okabe. Focus on yourself. Turn away from me.

“But this isn’t a dream! You’re right…”

His voice broke my train of thought, but it didn’t startle me. I almost half expected it. Even as his hand softly touched my cheek, even as he looked into my eyes with the same pained expression I’ve seen everyday since last summer…I knew I couldn’t do this.

“You’re right here, aren’t you?”

I couldn’t do this. I felt myself withhold the urge to want to place my hand over his and I simply lowered my eyes, averting away from his.

“Touch sensations are just another of the brain’s functions.”

The tension from with holding myself was too much; I stepped back. Okabe, this is my answer…and I care for you more than you will ever know. But despite that, I know you staying here would cause you more pain than relief.

“You won’t be happy here, anyway,” I expressed to him. My heart felt heavier than I thought as I spoke. “You’ll never be rid of the regret…and neither will I.”

I swallowed a bit; not only was the regret of Mayuri, but also…the irrational emotions I caused on him.

I saw him lower his arm, and he sighed, looking defeated. “That doesn’t change in the beta world line, either.”

He raised his arm to rub his temples, frustration and dilemma crossing his features; they were aspects of pain that I’ve grown used to seeing, but not used to feeling. It was painful to watch.

“I’ve done nothing but regret that I couldn’t save you.”

I ignored the wrenching twist in my heart as he said those words. No, I can’t be allowed to feel this; despite my ignorance of feeling that certain emotion, I did feel a bit of appreciation that he did try…

But still. It wasn’t fair. Because to me,  _she_  was the reason for his happiness.  _She_  was the reason that brought me back to the lab over and over again. And  _she_  was both of our lights, someone we both adored and admired, the quiet supporter in our lives.

“But Mayuri’s happy at least, isn’t she?”

His eyes widened a bit, and I saw conflict in his eyes. “Mayuri is…”

I looked away from him; I knew it without him even telling me. It was so very much like him to hide it from her, because thinking of her well-being above all else was of importance. And I softly smiled a bit because that was the part of Okabe I had known to love.

“You want Mayuri to be happy.”

I looked up at him, a newfound determination within me as I did so. I felt my eyes tear up a bit, but I pushed it off to the side.

Because Mayuri was everything to not just him, but also to me as well. Her smile and selfless thoughts were what carried me through in my own personal hard moments, and I’m almost sure she was the same for Okabe as well. She meant more to him than I could ever know, someone so important and key in both our lives.

Straightening up, I continued to stare at him in the eyes. “So do I. I’m the same way. Which means that you made the right choice after all.”

As soon as my words left my mouth, I saw him grit his teeth, the look of conflict spreading across his face once more. It was pained, saddened, burdened, but most of all…tired. It was something that hurt me more than I could ever begin to explain and it left impressions not just in my mind, but on my heart as well.

I shook my head. As scientists, we experiment, making choices and finalizing decisions to reach our ultimate outcome. Naturally, either route A or route B would be most effective in reaching the ultimate conclusion.

Okabe made the right decision. I am nothing more than a part of his  ** _experiment_** , a route which could have been taken, but was otherwise rejected as it caused more pain than relief.

I closed my eyes for a second; I am well aware that his other decision was no different, but for my sake, I’m almost positive he would find a way to make everything better again, in a world without me. There was too much attachment to me, a bias which could cause an experiment to go completely wrong.

Because I knew what he was thinking, and he knew what I was thinking: this silly emotion which attracted us to this very space-

The very thought began to irritate me; I couldn’t place why I was suddenly slightly irritated, but I spoke up and came closer to him as I did so.

“Oh, come on!”

As I took a step closer, I noticed his eyes soften; something he often did whenever I came closer. Stop it, Okabe. Just  _stop this._

“Stop this nonsense already, Okabe Rintaro!” I yelled my thoughts at him directly. Shaking my head, I steadied my voice a bit more to recollect my feelings.

“You already reached your conclusion. You can’t stay here. You have to go back.”

That’s right, Okabe. I’m just a bias within this experiment.

So please. Please don’t mind me. Because…

“You have to wake up from the dream.”

I saw his eyes waver, anxiety suddenly starting to fill his pupils once more as I began to speak. They were mixed with that same silly emotion…

“Because I…” I continued, feeling myself lose control. My voice began to quiver and I began to internally scold myself for losing this battle of wits.

“I don’t want to see you suffer like this anymore.”

I can’t count the amount of times in the past few months I’ve mentioned how painful his expressions were. Please…stop imprinting them deeper into my soul because they only reflect off of me back into your own heart.

His eyes looked down towards mine and his eyes began to well up a bit.

“Kurisu…”

His voice was soft and compassionate, the same voice which so longingly held the determination to save me so many months ago. It was so light in sound, but heavy with so much concealed burden from seeing years worth of multiple timelines.

And I couldn’t stand to hear or see it anymore. This is it. And this is my choice in my own experiment.

Route A, he could stay here; but it would be useless, as I proved earlier. Route B, he could return back to his own world line and live the choice he previously chosen. This was a more rational decision since it was his own experiment to begin with and his life was his to live.

I turned away from him, feeling the need to avert my eyes from his.

“Come on, this is a waste of time. I’m doing it.”

I’m determined to do this, no matter what. No matter how painful it was for me, no matter if my disappearance in the world would effect me, no matter how much I loved him…it would have to happen. There would be no other choice for the correct result. My resolve is strong.

It was because of my love for him that I knew I had to let him go.

I stopped fiddling with the PhoneWave for a moment, a thought crossing my mind. I had to let go of one last thing, a key for him to let me go.

It was heavy, the thought of it; it drained out my emotions, twisted my heart into an undistinguishable shape, and had me want to burst into tears.

I let out a small laugh; that was an irrational, unscientific thought. As were all things relating to love, I suppose.

I straightened up and breathed, preparing myself to speak.

“Hey, Okabe.”

I turned around and his eyes were already on me. Something I couldn’t shake off since this all started was his stare…he looked at me as if I’d disappear any moment he took his eyes off me and it pained me to think of that. I shook my head and decided to not bring it up; it was almost time to end this.

“Before you wake up, promise me something.”

“…promise? What?”

His confused expression was what I expected. I sighed, knowing this would hurt him more than it would hurt me.

But it was all I could do to help him. To help him move on, to let go of me, and to finally be free of the chains that time had held him to.

“When you get to the beta world line, forget about me.”

What I didn’t expect were his eyes to widen even more, and suddenly become casted downwards; in this instance it looked as if he wanted to cry even more, but I…needed to end this.  I heard him inhale a bit before he slowly spoke.

“Forget you? You know I can’t do that.”

His voice became louder as he spoke the last part of his sentence, and I felt myself slightly flinch from hearing the suffering in his voice. But I piped up, trying to redirect his brain to what we previously spoke of; the rational way of explaining things in order to keep us both grounded.

“Remember what I said?” I asked him softly. “This is a dream. Once you wake up from a dream, you forget what happened, right?”

He shook his head. “I still remember the nightmares I had when I was a little kid!”

This ticked me off a bit and stuck out my tongue out at him before speaking. “Who are you calling a nightmare?”

I laughed a bit at the joke, but I felt myself beginning to shake. It was all I could do to keep from breaking down, this little banter of ours.

But that was probably the same for him.

I crossed my arms, trying to ground myself. “Anyway,” I said calmly, “forget about me. Forget about what happened today, and everything that came before.”

I took a step towards him. “That’s what I want…”

Slowly, I uncrossed my arms and stuck out my pinky finger; I already knew this was silly, but I wanted to make a point since this was…my last chance seeing him. I forced it around his and began to chant quietly.

“It’s a pinky promise. Lie, and I’ll stab an electrode into your hippocampus. Got it?”

I know it didn’t rhyme. But it was all I could do to keep up this facade of mine at the moment. Okabe slightly scoffed, and I heard him smile through his cracking voice as he spoke even as he didn’t look at me.

“That doesn’t rhyme at all.”

I smiled in return, also averting his eyes. “Shut up.”

I stepped away from him, my finger unlocking from his as I did so. It was as if the tension in the room suddenly built up and I really couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, because we both knew: It was almost time to say goodbye.

I suddenly felt like he would disappear before me and I spoke, without thinking.

“Okabe!”

“Kurisu!”

My voice overlapped with his and I stopped talking as soon as he said my name. It was so sudden, but soft, like he always called my name.

“W-what is it?” I saw him shift awkwardly, his face a tint of red as soon as we both said each others’ names. I knew I was just the same, but there was no point in hiding it now.

“Y-You first,” I responded awkwardly. I didn’t know what to say in these final moments anymore, so I let him speak mostly.

He paused a bit and scratched the back of his head a bit, a nervous fidget he did sometimes when he wanted to tell me something personal.

“It’s nothing. I just wanted to say it out loud.”

At the sound of that, I felt my heart skip a beat, even for a moment. This Okabe Rintaro, ridiculous mad scientist, Dr. P loving person, obnoxious college student thinking he knew everything, and eventually the person I came to fell in love with when I saw the real side of him…hearing him finally saying my real name aloud without hesitation was something more than I could have ever asked for.

The name of the person I cared so much for.

And I gave a small but nervous smile. Because-

“W-What a coincidence. So did I.”

His was the name of the person I loved.

I crossed my arms to hide my nervousness from my small confession, and I stared at him once more.

“Hey, do you remember when we first met?”

It was a small question, but I knew it was something I probably shouldn’t have brought up. Maybe it might make it harder for the both of us, but it was something so very important to me.

I hoped it was important to him as well.

I saw him laugh a little, choking back tears as he did so.

“Of course I do. You made a hell of a first impression.”

I squinted my eyes at him. “So did you,” I remarked.

I breathed again though, recalling the events of the past. I slightly closed my eyes for a second and spoke softly.

“Really…I never thought things would end up like this. I never thought that encounter would lead to…”

My voice trailed off as I felt myself choke back the rest of the words.

_Would lead to meeting someone I would love so much._

I’m sure he knew what I was implying, and even to this day, I find it amazing how the instances of time brought us together. It was unscientific, honestly, but there was no other explanation I could think of that would make possible sense in this regard. I swallowed back the words and cleared my throat with no intention of finishing the sentence.

“That’s right,” he responded.

Okabe’s expression softened a bit when I had mentioned it, and I almost wanted to step forward and hug him. Almost. It took every fiber within me to not want to cup his cheek, look into his eyes, and whisper that everything will be alright.

For the best of both of us, I knew it was the right choice to not do so.

After all, I’m just a dream, right, Okabe? I’m just the other possible solution to an experiment, but I’m the solution that wouldn’t quite work into your formulas.

“But just so you know,” I began to clarify, “you’re only allowed to remember our meeting right now.”

I faced him with a more serious look in my eyes, with every intention in me for him to take me seriously.

“Once the world line goes back, you have to forget.”

He locked his eyes with mine; they were shaky, filled with emotion, but also so full of understanding. He knew of the circumstances and I fully appreciated how much he respected my choice in all of this.

Even though it hurt the both of us.

“I know,” he answered, coarsely. I could tell he was doing all he could from wanting to breakdown again.

But despite what I saw, despite how much I appreciated him for doing that, I couldn’t help but feel bothered. Actually, no, it  _really_ bothered me how fast he answered me like that and now I felt like I was being brushed under the rug for a moment.

Who does he think he is, thinking he could forget me so fast like that? The nerve.

“Hmph. So you’re going to forget me, just like that?”

If this wasn’t a serious situation, I could’ve sworn I may have seen his eyes roll for a moment before he responded.

“This was your idea.”

Stupid, stupid Okabe. Of  _course_  it’s my idea, and of  _course_  it’s a good one, but how could you just say it so easily? You really don’t know how to ease a girl’s feelings, especially someone you care for, huh?

I squinted my eyes at him. “That’s true, but it still pisses me off to hear you just say it like it was nothing.”

At this, I  _definitely_  saw a him give a small sigh of exasperation and he slightly gritted his teeth in feigned frustration. He knew I was difficult, I knew I was being difficult; the thought of this amused me in my mind and I laughed to myself as he responded. This was just how we got along, I guess.

“First you want me to forget, then you want me to not forget. Which is it?”

I could hear the joking frustration in his voice and I laughed a bit more again. The fact that he stuck with my stubbornness was sometimes beyond my mind, but that was one of the quirks of his that I always admired.

“Heh,” I responded with a low voice. “It’s a joke. I’m just kidding.”

He looked at me and played back, despite his coarse voice. “Oh…it’s a joke?”

I nodded, responding with a low voice, my tone gradually getting quieter. “Yeah. Just a joke.”

A short silence filled between us after this and I heard him sigh; I couldn’t tell if it was a mix of a sigh and a small laugh, but I could tell it was pained.

We both knew; we were out of time. But in that short instance, we knew what it was like to be in each other’s company and to simply talk again like we once were. We simply just talked and for a moment felt what it was like to be  _together_ , even if it was a short amount of time.

I glanced up towards him and I knew we had to do this soon, before I fell back on my decision. Standing firm in front of the PhoneWave, I said his name quietly.

It was time to say farewell.

“Okabe…”

“Hmm?”

I breathed a bit before responding, but I quickly responded with no hesitation in my voice.

“Bye.”

My one word was the one to break this dream and stop the magic between us. It was time and he had to go now…I couldn’t possibly hesitate for fear of me thinking even more of other alternatives and possibilities.

He didn’t look me in the eyes as he responded.

“Yeah.”

I knew he was hesitant, but also knowing him, he would go and do it anyway. He understood the circumstances and I had to hold myself back from wanting to give a a hug or pat on the shoulder or something to him before letting him go.

Instead, all I could do was smile.

I turned back to the PhoneWave feeling satisfied knowing he knew what I meant. Fiddling with the directions and the knobs, I began to input the numbers for the designated location and slowly, I heard the low hum of the microwave. Sparks began to form all around us, and I knew it was very close for him to leave.

At this point, my hands were shaking and I felt tears forming in my eyes. I purposely kept my back on him during this time as I blinked a few times to force the tears back because I knew if he saw me…he would hesitate even more.

Please, Okabe. For my sake…

Be happy in the world you’ve created.

“Okabe…”

My voice was beginning to crack, and I felt the threat of the tears wanting to fall down my face. But still, I turned around just before the time leap occurred, and I smiled.

I hope it conveyed all of the unsaid messages and emotions I have for him.

“It’s time to wake up.”

* * *

 

> _Truth be told I never was yours,  
> _ _The fear, the fear of falling apart._


	6. Always In This Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being a slight sequel to my “Proposal” prompt; it’s not necessary to read “Proposal”, but it does mention some parts of it!

> _“And I hold my favorite thing,  
> _ _I hold the happiness you bring.” ~_ **_Better Place_ ** _by Rachel Platten_

* * *

“Thanks for coming with me, Senpai.”

Maho grinned as she slid into the passenger seat of Kurisu’s car, pulling on the seatbelt and securing it with a soft click.

“Eh, you know I’d go with you; besides, it’s Sunday and this is one of the other times we can be out of the lab for once.”

Kurisu turned the key in the ignition of her car and it roared to life, a low hum accompanying it as she backed out of the driveway of the automobile garage. She made a quick wave to the workers before driving off.

“Well,” she began, once they were on the road, “I just didn’t think you’d want to go on this boring errand with me.”

Maho shrugged. “Gonna be honest, yeah, it was kinda boring just waiting for your car to be fixed for like an hour.” She heard Kurisu sigh a bit and shake her head, but continued before she could say anything more.

“But hey, if you’re bringing this car with you to Japan, gotta make sure it’s up and running, right? The least I could do is be a support. And besides, we’re getting food right now, right?”

Kurisu just sighed again, but she smiled at the suggestion. “So that’s the real reason why you came today since you knew I’d be treating.”

Maho laughed. “Of course.”

There was a small silence between the both of them as Kurisu turned on her right blinker to merge into the right lane, intent on turning on the next street. She came to a stop at the familiar streetlight, something she had seen for years ever since coming to America; it was a city she had come to grow up in and learn so much during her career as a developing scientist.

Five years later since working at Viktor Chondria, it was decided by Kurisu that she would go to Japan - permanently. The decision was first voiced to Maho in a personal conversation and then brought up to the department about one month later after she had told Maho face-to-face.

When Kurisu had first told Maho, Maho was honestly not as surprised as she should have been. In fact, she had been readying herself for the day that Kurisu would one day leave.

To Maho, Kurisu was a genius; she was curious, determined, and had a strong resolve in everything that she did. She never hesitated on her research ideas, never faltered when it came proving a point, and never once backed down in a debate. Her mind was an endless void of questioning and experimentation, marked with speculation and a hunger for knowledge.

Maho admired Kurisu; she had a bright future ahead and for some reason, she had a feeling that Kurisu would one day move on. She was much too smart to stay in one location for so long.

And that speculation came true when Kurisu met  _him_ : Okabe Rintarou. She remembered that first summer when Kurisu came back from Japan; everything seemed normal, until some months afterwards, she began to notice Kurisu on her phone  _quite a lot_ during their lunch breaks.

_“Should I be concerned?”_

_“Hm?” Kurisu looked up at her curiously. “What are you talking about, Senpai-”_

_“I mean THIS,” Maho emphasized, pointing at her phone. “I usually don’t ask on people’s personal lives, but what do you got going on there? You’re more absorbed in that than your own report earlier.”_

_She saw Kurisu visibly blush, which caused her to quirk her brow. Scoffing, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and took a sip of the tea she was drinking at that moment._

_“What is it, a guy? Please, Kurisu, don’t make me ask the typical-”_

_She stopped midway when she noticed Kurisu visibly averting her eyes away from Maho and it was then that she realized. Maho nearly choked and she slammed her cup down._

_“HAH?!”_

Maho laughed a bit at the memory and she smiled. She remembered feeling a mix of happiness and bitterness at the same time when she first heard the news; call it being overprotective, but she did need some time to get used to Okabe Rintarou’s cyber appearance on Kurisu’s phone from time to time, as well as Kurisu’s annual Japan trip every summer after that.

Once she felt the car going at a comfortable speed, Kurisu looked over at Maho suspiciously after hearing the low laugh.

“What?”

Maho looked at her and then back to the road, still a small smile on her face.

“Nothing, nothing. Just remembering the first time I heard about Okabe-san, is all.”

She saw Kurisu visibly flinch at the name, as well as her expression slightly grimace. Maho just shook her head.

“What? You guys are engaged and you  _still_  feel weird talking about it? If anything, I should be the one that feels weird, not you!”

Kurisu’s expression didn’t change and Maho just sighed.

“He’s your fiancee, Kurisu, not a fiend.”

This seemed to have distract her and she replied, stuttering. “I-I know that! I’m just…getting used to it, okay?!”

She let out a breath and Maho could only laugh a bit at the sight. She already knew from the start that Kurisu was  _not_  the greatest at expressing her feelings; that much was evident as she watched through video chat on Mayuri’s phone when Okabe proposed to Kurisu during that one early morning (Japan time) in front of the train station. When Kurisu came back to the US some weeks after, she remembered giving grief to her for erupting into tears and crying in public; needless to say, Kurisu was quite pouty to her during those times.

Maho glanced over to Kurisu’s left hand and saw the engagement ring glint slightly in the sun as Kurisu maneuvered the steering wheel. It was simple, just as she envisioned it to be; Kurisu and Okabe were simple people to her in general.

As she looked over, she began to look at other aspects of the car. The open compartment underneath the radio had a pair of sunglasses she wasn’t too familiar with; there was a small white piece of paper that said “Assistant!!” in Japanese taped to the visor on her passenger side; and a small odd metal contraption that she didn’t even know functioned sticking out of the middle glove compartment between her and Kurisu (she figured it was another one of Okabe’s odd inventions again). They were tiny details that Maho had never seen, but she concluded in her mind early enough to know who’s they were.

It was odd. He came to visit annually at least every Winter, but even in those short visits, it felt as if he were there right at that moment.

Maho crossed her arms as she recollected everything around her. They were small pieces of their relationship, glimpses of what little Maho has seen in person, but they felt precious to herself, even. She’s heard them talk on the phone on some of Kurisu’s breaks (due to timezone difference) and has even seen them video chat (and was sometimes teased by Okabe himself through cyberspace), but all of those were small parts of what they created into their own relationship as a whole.

Maho’s silence began to become audible to Kurisu, who was now staring at Maho every once in awhile. She stopped at another light before speaking.

“Senpai, I’m not sure if I should be asking you this, but what are you thinking?”

“Huh?” Maho was thrown from her thoughts for a second, but she recollected herself once more.

“Nothing bad.”

There was a small silence again and Maho could almost  _feel_  Kurisu’s curiosity emanating from her body before Maho decided to speak up again.

“So…why him?”

Kurisu face palmed. “I knew I should have saw this coming.”

Maho just shrugged. “It’s an honest question. And if this is the guy you’re spending the rest of your life with, the guy you’re  _moving out of the country for_ , I think it’s right that I’m just a little curious myself.”

“I thought you’re not one to ask about people’s personal lives,” Kurisu responded.

Maho just stuck her tongue out at her. “I think we’re passed the acquaintance stage at this point, dummy. I’m your friend, not just your co-worker.”

Kurisu laughed. “That’s true.”

The hum of the car filled the silence between them once more, and Maho internally groaned. Getting Kurisu to talk about her feeling was like acting like a psychiatrist; she was so silent in her own emotions.

“So…”

“Er…,” Kurisu began. Maho quirked an eyebrow at her and she smirked.

“You know, if I have to witness you like this on your wedding day, I’m going to feel so bad for Okabe-san in the future-”

“He’s not honest with his feelings either, to be fair!” Kurisu blurted out.

Maho smiled.  _There it is,_ she thought.  _The real Kurisu._

She continued. “He’s just…so frustrating, annoying, obnoxious, and above all, totally self-centered!”

Kurisu gripped the steering wheel even tighter, but her speed didn’t raise (to Maho’s relief; she didn’t know how Kurisu’s driving was like when she got excited like this).

“All he does is talk about the ‘Organization’, mock me for being his Assistant, call me ‘Christina’ which isn’t even my name at all, and just freeloads whenever he sits in my car!”

Maho held back a laugh.  _Kurisu, he can’t drive here in the States…and I doubt you’d want to see him drive anyway…_

She huffed and closed her eyes a bit once they reached another stop light. “He barely responds to my emails and it’s probably at least me reaching out to him 80% of the time and half the time, he’s asleep! You know what I do? I actually wake upbecause I actually  _leave_  my phone on Loud during the night because I at least acknowledge our timezones are different!”

“He’s just…he’s an idiot!”

Right after finishing her sentence, Maho felt the car jerk back from the sudden acceleration of the car as Kurisu pressed on it a little harder than she thought. Once the road was stable again, Kurisu didn’t say any more, but merely focused on the road.

“So,” Maho breathed, after a second, “he’s an…idiot. Kurisu, as far as I’m concerned, you’re not an…idiot…”

Maho internally smacked herself. What kind of description was that? She was trying to word a stupid theory she came up with,  _Only idiots fall in love with other idiots_ , kindly, but that wasn’t exactly how she planned it to be.

Unfortunately, Kurisu was smart. Too smart, she concluded.

“Senpai,” she started, “I know you’re trying to be nice, but honestly…I guess I am an idiot.”

“I’m an idiot for caring for someone who’s obnoxious attitude means so much more. I’m an idiot for seeing another layer underneath the facade. I’m an idiot who’s fallen in love with someone who saw beyond everything I put as a front.”

“In general,” she sighed, “I questioned too much and fell further than I thought I would.”

“…Okabe Rintarou is more than he seems. I’ve seen him care for the others in a weird, but honest way; his actions speak louder than words when he thinks no one is looking; and he means every word that comes out of his mouth when he speaks to me.”

Kurisu began to pat her forehead lightly. Maho hadn’t noticed that she was visibly sweating a bit, even though the a/c of the car was running. Again, she stifled a sarcastic remark; Kurisu really  _did_  get worked up when she thought about him.

“This may sound weird, but…I don’t know. I see it in his eyes and he’s sincere about what he says.”

Maho tilted her head in confusion. “I thought you said he wasn’t an honest in his feelings.”

Kurisu winked. “I lied a little bit. It’s payback for him being so obnoxious around me all the time.”

She turned wheel at the next light and steadied the car once more. “Actually…it’s him who’s more vocal about how he feels rather than me.”

Maho scoffed; she couldn’t resist this time. “I think everyone knows how you express yourself, Kurisu.”

With one hand, Kurisu lightly shoved Maho on the shoulder, to which she yelled back, “Keep both hands on the wheel!” as Kurisu laughed back.

With both hands on the wheel, Kurisu leaned back in her seat and (again) lightly patted her forehead. “He…tells me each time how he feels. How he’d always be there, no matter where I was, no matter what time it was. I joke around with him not answering my phone calls and such, but if I needed someone to talk to at a late hour either here or there, he hops on a video call right away.”

“I think he’s better with face-to-face interaction, it sounds like,” Maho interjected. “But anyway, keep going.”

Kurisu nodded. “I agree. I’ve noticed that too.” She suddenly began to remember what he said two days prior her current errand.

_Two days before:_

_“What is it, Okabe? You’re looking at me funny.”_

_“Hm? Why, do I need a reason to look at my Assistant-”_

_“It’s just a little weird, is all!” Kurisu interjected._

_“But also,” she added with a soft tone, “sometimes it looks sad.”_

_She noticed Okabe’s eyes waver for a moment, but he quickly recovered with his maniac laughter. “A mad scientist sometimes just needs the presence of the person who does most of his work for him!”_

_Kurisu fiddled with the tip end of her hair. “I get it, I get it. The mad scientist misses me, is all.”_

_This stopped Okabe’s laughter abruptly and he looked away, visibly embarrassed. Kurisu laughed, and this caught his attention as he stared back into the camera with a small smile on his face._

_“Sometimes you’re too smart.”_

_“And sometimes you’re too dense.”_

_In that moment, they both stopped speaking and found themselves staring at one another in silence. There was a certain sadness that Kurisu could still see glinting in his eyes as he intently stared at her, but she merely smiled. She tilted her head and rested her chin on her hand, speaking in a low and quiet voice._

_“I’m not going anywhere, Okabe. I’ll always be here, and soon, there.”_

Kurisu shook her head from the memory and she smiled a bit; she couldn’t deny that that conversation made her heart feel warm.

“When he speaks, he is sincere about what he says. Even though he absolutely cannot pick up a cue on other things,” Kurisu gritted her teeth at the lack of action Okabe often exhibited, “his words speak for himself.”

“In other words, Senpai,” Kurisu breathed, “Okabe is…a good man.”

Maho shifted in her seat and she uncrossed her arms, resting her hands behind her head. She smirked at Kurisu when she noticed how somewhat tense she still was; it may have been four years of a relationship, but Kurisu still had a long way to go in terms of expressing.

But Maho saw the changes. She knew for a fact that there would have been no way Kurisu would have been this open with her feelings all those years ago.

Maho shrugged. She supposed she would have to thank Okabe.

“Dummy,” Maho said. “I wasn’t saying Okabe was a bad person.”

Kurisu rolled her eyes. “You weren’t exactly implying otherwise, though.”

Maho laughed. “Good point. I guess I can let you go to Japan without any qualms.”

She noticed Kurisu side glance her for a moment before she fixed her eyes on the road. “Yes, I suppose so.”

Hearing her response, Maho couldn’t help but feel her heart sink a bit at the thought of Kurisu permanently moving away. She had been readying herself for a fact, but she supposed that readying the mind wasn’t quite the same as readying the actual experience.

But she knew; she knew that Kurisu’s heart lay elsewhere, in a place where she could truly call home. She’s seen it in the distant gaze in Kurisu’s eyes as she stared out during lunch breaks and in the way she often fidgeted with her ring the past few months.

It was a realization that Kurisu belonged elsewhere in a place that she absolutely loved and could always never regret going to.

She lifted her head up to cover up her bittersweet emotions and patted the side of her passenger side door, looking at Kurisu as she did so.

“But why are you bringing this car with you to Japan?”

“And why not?” Kurisu asked back.

“Well…don’t people usually use public transportation? I heard it’s easier than driving in the city.”

Kurisu nodded. “It’s true, I actually really like the convenience.”

“But,” she continued, “this car is…special. It reminds me of certain things I don’t want to forget.”

Flashbacks of his confession in the desert during the cool October month came to her mind; it became mixed in with other memories of his visits to the states in the years after, such as the silly moment when he taped the word “Assistant!!” to her passenger side visor; when he had to push her car the one time it ran out of gas; and when she’d roll down the roof of the car, blasting music to no one in general. His words of, “This is the true American experience!” in his broken English cut through her flashbacks, and she slightly laughed. Other ambiguous memories began to mix in, consisting of late night talks, theory debating, holding hands in silence, stargazing, and exchanging delicate kisses at an hour where everyone else was asleep. It was the late night moments where she had never felt so alive.

But there were others she remembered; her first time driving; driving solo with music in heavy traffic; her mother in the passenger seat listening to her latest research; and the warm smile of Maho, a friend she thought she would never be as close to as she was with her at that moment. The memories of the US were precious to her because it helped her grow, develop, and become the person she was. She still considered it her home in her mind, even if she was moving away to start life elsewhere.

She smiled. “There are memories, that this car reminds me of. Sure, this car is old, which is why I went to get it serviced today, but…I don’t think I can go without it.”

Kurisu turned the wheel to maneuver the car into a parking lot and she moved into a space, shifting the car into Park after adjusting herself. She turned off the ignition, but didn’t move to take off her seatbelt as she still sat in her seat.

“Bringing this car to Japan will kind of be like bringing pieces of experiences I had here in the US…it will always remind me of the trials I had to endure to get to where I am now, but will also remind me the good in everything; how I learned to become independent, how I met you, how I met him.”

Kurisu looked to Maho and smiled. “It’s a link between two special places in my heart, the two places I could always look back on and smile knowing I have no regrets in what I did.”

Maho stared back at Kurisu, stunned. They were simple words, but it was more than enough to actually understand how Kurisu felt without having to feel like she was prying words from her mouth.

And it dawned on her that Kurisu was ready; she was ready to move on and be with the one person who broke the mold of ‘Makise Kurisu, Genius Girl’ into just ‘Makise Kurisu’. She was simple, light-hearted, smart, determined, and loving.

And it was everything that Maho admired about her.

Kurisu noticed the silence between her and Maho, and she began to shift uncomfortably, gathering her stuff together to get ready to get out of the car.

“I uh…sorry, that was the most unscientific thing I could share, um-”

“Kurisu!”

She looked up at Maho’s outburst and noticed her eyes glistening. She didn’t cry though, and Kurisu just sat intently, listening to her.

She heard Maho breathe in audibly, and slowly exhaled, as if she were trying to ground herself for a moment. Maho then looked up, her characteristic smirk on her face.

“Just don’t crash it, okay? I’m not about to send you another one from here, even if you do know me.”

Kurisu sat in slight shock; she wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but it wasn’t that comment. She with held a laugh, before she began fully laugh, a bit of tears in her eyes.

“Senpai, what do you take me for?”

Maho rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen how Okabe-san is. I wouldn’t be surprised if he suddenly up and drives your car!”

Kurisu thought about it for a moment, then nodded in agreement. “You have a point.”

“But in any case,” Maho replied softly, “Stay safe, okay? Always make sure to email at least more than twice a month, and feel free to video chat-”

“Yes, yes,” Kurisu spoke in return, waving it off a bit. “Were you not paying attention how much I have to reach out to Okabe?”

Maho chuckled for a bit before replying softly again. “Me and the professor are just sad you’re leaving, is all.”

Kurisu nodded, a bittersweet feeling washing over her. “I know,” she acknowledged. “I know.”

The heat in the car began to rise; despite it being in the Fall, the heat was still strong. Maho fanned herself and pointed to Kurisu’s roof.

“You know, you could’ve still left this down.”

Kurisu shook it off. “It was getting fixed, remember?”

Maho nodded. “Ah, that’s right.”

There was an oncoming of potential silence between them before Maho piped up once more. She looked out the window and realized they were in a plaza of some sort with different food options.

“Hey,” she started. “Let’s eat at a hamburger place.”

Kurisu squinted her eyes at Maho. “You make it sound like there are no burgers in Japan.”

“Arg,” Maho replied. “You know what I mean! With the full on fries and ranch dressing off on the side-”

Kurisu opened her driver’s side door open and laughed. “Keep that up, Senpai, and you won’t fit in your bridesmaid dress.”

Maho choked a bit as she exited the car, closing it behind her as she did so. “Well, excuse me, I don’t think you’re the maid of honor, so you can’t exactly choose what the bridesmaids wear! I can always just ask Mayuri, since you chose her, to look into a color that doesn’t make us all look bloated.”

Kurisu laughed. “Just don’t stress her out; she’s a cosplayer and she knows perfection for outfits when she sees it.”

Maho walked on to the curb to meet up with Kurisu, who was standing waiting for her. She rolled her eyes. “You know what, fine, you dug yourself a hole, Kurisu, because now I’m going to be looking at bridesmaid dresses right now while we eat.”

Kurisu paled. “C-Can we not…? It’s not for another few months-”

“You said I had to not make Mayuri stressed, right? So I’m looking for options right now!”

Kurisu just face palmed. “But with your fashion sense, Senpai, I’m a little concerned.”

“HEY!” Maho blurted out, attracting the attention of some passerbys. “I think I look perfectly fine, if you ask me.”

Kurisu just shook her head. “You won’t ever find a man like that, you know.”

She heard Maho mumble something about “normal people”, but she laughed it off instead. As they both walked to their destination, Kurisu side glanced Maho as she was scrolling through her phone looking at a few dresses, a pout on her face. There was a warmth in the experience she shared with bonding with Maho, and it made her feel content.

All at once, her phone began to ring a certain notification sound, signaling a video chat invite. She pulled out her phone, and noticing the caller, she smiled. Her new life within a new place wouldn’t be bad at all.

She pressed on the “accept” button before Maho could snatch her phone.

“What? Miss your assistant already?”

* * *

 

> _It’s a better place since you came along._


	7. First

> _“There’s a little bit of loser in us,  
> _ _Just two weirdos who fell in love.” ~_ ** _Loser_** by Julian Moon

* * *

 

“So…”

“So…?”

Daru rubbed his chin in contemplative thought. “So if you’re married to Okarin…”

Kurisu slightly jolted. It still hadn’t processed in her mind that she was actually in a very much committed relationship, despite being a scientist and believing that love was complete nonsense without scientific evidence. She sighed.

“What about it?”

“Well…”

Daru turned his chair to face Mayuri. “You call her by ‘Kurisu-chan’, right, Mayushii?”

Mayuri enthusiastically nodded. “Of course!”

He turned to Okabe. “It’s a given you call her by her first name,” he said to him, causing the mad-scientist to raise his eyebrow in confusion.

Daru crossed his arms. “I used to call her ‘Makise-shii’ but that obviously doesn’t apply anymore since her last name is now ‘Okabe’ which is really…” He trailed off.

Kurisu flushed with an intense red on her cheeks. It’s hard enough to remember she was married; to remember her official name was now ‘Okabe Kurisu’ (technically Makise-Okabe Kurisu for publishing paper purposes) …it was a bit unsettling, seeing how she used to call Okabe as, well, Okabe. Now that it’s a part of her name…

Daru sighed. “Maybe I should just call you ‘Oka-shii’”.

She shook her head in disappointment. “No. Please don’t.”

Okabe immediately got into his characteristic maniacal laughter and scratched his chin contemplatively. “Hm, what’s this? Is the assistant afraid to be labeled underneath the great Hououin Kyouma?”

She glared at him. Correction:  _She_  named  _him_ , so  _technically_ ‘Hououin Kyouma’ was hers, and not his. Or was it his influence in the present that got her to influence him in the past, then repeat again and again, so therefore, it’s his?

She shook her head in frustration. Whatever the reason was,  _Hououin Kyouma_  was NOT a part of this conversation.

“Okabe-”

Just as Kurisu began to talk, Daru pointed at her and cut off her sentence.

“And that’s another thing! If your last name is ‘Okabe’ now, you still call Okrain ‘Okabe’, despite it being your name now?”

Kurisu flushed. “W-what am I supposed to call him then?!”

Mayuri smiled. “‘Rintarou’ would be a good start.”

At this, even Okabe flinched. No one really called him by his  _first_ name; the closest it got to his first name was the ‘-rin’ in ‘Okarin’. Other than his parents, but that was an obvious exception.

Noticing Okabe’s hesitation, Kurisu shook her head furiously. “That’s obviously not happening any day soon.”

This time, it was Okabe’s turn to glare. “Thank you very much for your kindness, assistant.”

Kurisu merely stuck her tongue out at Okabe, who just quirked his eyebrow in return.

Daru twitched. “What even is this marriage…”, in which this comment earned him both glares from the scientists, which caused him to clear his throat. “I mean, can we please get back to the topic at hand?”

Kurisu put her hand to her forehead in frustration. “If you’re so keen on naming me something else, then go ahead. I honestly don’t really care.”

Silence. A considerable amount of silence started to pass as the clock’s ticking became louder and louder. As Mayuri stood up to get tea for everyone (after coming to the conclusion that no one would blow up into an argument in her absence), Daru began to speak.

“…Oka…su? Like…a combination of ‘Okabe’ and ‘Kurisu’ together?” Daru scratched his chin in contemplation.

Kurisu merely looked at him. “If it makes your job easier in labeling the difference between me and him, then that’s fine. I highly doubt ‘Kuribe’ would’ve been any better, anyhow.”

At this, Okabe snorted. “It sounds like some sort of name an @channeler WOULD make up.”

She turned to him. “Well, excuse me for a sorry attempt in combining my name with yours!”

Mayuri, who came in with a tray carrying tea cups for everyone, laughed. “It’s so nice to hear Kuris-chan finally admit that.”

“H-huh? I-I…” Kurisu stammered, not expecting the younger girl to shoot back with that sort of remark.

Okabe grinned, and pulled out his phone in a dramatic manner. “It’s me. It seems that I have successfully taken over the operation and she now succumbs to my power! I am victorious!”

This earned him a glare from Kurisu, in which he immediately stopped laughing and quickly ended his ‘call’ with an “El Psy Congroo” before hanging up.

Daru sighed. “Well technically…hm.”

He began to scratch his chin in contemplation and he stared at Kurisu, who merely tilted her head back in confusion.

“Your name is technically ‘Makise-Okabe’ because of your publishing stuff, right?”

Kurisu nodded. “The papers I’ve published previously are under ‘Makise’ so it’s mostly for research purposes that I leave my original name in there.”

Daru dramatically shifted his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, the glint of the glass covering his eyes.

“So you mean to tell me…that your last name initials are ‘M’ and ‘O’?”

Kurisu was about to confirm it to Daru, but her eyes suddenly widened and she took a step forward, looking very alarmed.

“You wouldn’t-!”

Daru gave a low chuckle and he put his hands together. “From now on, you will be…MOMO.”

Okabe choked on the tea he was drinking at the sound of the nickname and Mayuri clapped her hands in contentment, clearly approving the nickname.

“That sounds so cute!-”

“N-no, my name isn’t even  _in_  that nickname! You’re better off calling me ‘Kuribe’!”

Okabe regained his strength and he cleared his throat. “Says the @channeler-”

“You just shut up!” Kurisu yelled, a red tint forming on her face as she wildly looked at Daru, who kept on snickering.

“Though…” Daru breathed, regaining his composure, his eyes shifted from Kurisu to Okabe, “you can’t keep calling Okarin ‘you’ or ‘him’ whenever you’re around us, you know.”

Kurisu gritted her teeth. “I’ll figure that on my own, thank you.”

Mayuri smiled. “You can always call him ‘Rin-Rin’ or something cute like that.”

Kurisu sighed. She couldn’t tell if the girl was being serious or was spiting her in the fact that she knew that she didn’t like sap names like that.

“Like I said,” Kurisu said, with an exasperated sigh, “I’ll figure it out…”

* * *

As Okabe locked up the lab apartment, Kurisu waited in the staircase before he started his decent down. She looked at him contemplatively before walking down with him.

“I hope it was alright for Mayuri to walk back on her own.”

Okabe smiled, appreciating Kurisu’s concern for his dear childhood friend. “She’ll be fine. Besides, Mayuri is more sharp than she looks, you know; even sharper than you at times.”

Kurisu gave a small shove. “Shut up.”

Okabe merely grinned. The two walked in comfortable silence until they reached the busy streets of Akihabara back to where their actual home is. Kurisu looked up at all the shining lights of Akihabara, sometimes, still in disbelief that she was actually with someone, nonetheless married, and in a very stable situation. To actually have a research job, and to know that Okabe, her partner, and - need she say it? - her husband, had his own job as a scientist seemed almost too good.

She sighed. She supposed that it was alright, and a very good attribute to accept. After experiencing trauma of timelines, it wasn’t something she wished to experience all over again. All she needed was the present and him, who walked right next to her.

At this rate, she knew they were closer than they’ll ever be and even more so in the next upcoming years. Feeling her sap side coming on, she tried her best to conceal it, but it wasn’t the best cover up in the eyes of him.

“What’s on your mind?”

Kurisu looked up at him, debated whether or not she should tell him, and decided that it was for the better. She smiled.

“Just…thinking of what I should call you now.”

Okabe just shrugged. “Calling me ‘Okabe’ is perfectly fine. Unless…” he laughed, “you  _can_  call me ‘Kyouma’ if you want.”

She gave him a look. “No.”

“Well,” he said, shrugging once more, “my last name is fine.”

She became silent for a while. With an inhaled breath, she struck up the courage to say it.

“…Rintarou.”

Okabe stopped abruptly, clearly shocked at how she said it clearly in public. He looked at her, with her head still down, and he was puzzled as to what he heard.

“Kurisu, what did-”

“Rintarou.” Saying the name with a bit more confidence, she finally looked up at him, and made eye contact. Her eyes were wavering, for sure; not from fear, but rather, from the feeling of being nervous.

“I’ll call you by Rintarou from here on.”

Okabe felt a smile tug on his lips, but he held it back. Instead, he looked at her in feigned confusion, and put a hand on her forehead.

“You’re not drunk, right?”

Kurisu swiped his hand off her forehead and gritted her teeth in frustration. “No, I am not! You clearly don’t have any beer in your apartment and it’s not like I’d make the same mistake twice!” She shook her head from the embarrassing memory from some years ago, trying to not remember her shameless act of throwing herself on him on that particular summer night.

“I-I know it sounds weird, but this is still my first time saying it-”

Okabe interjected with a small laugh and Kurisu squinted her eyes at him, slightly suspicious of his action. He looked at her (his face was slightly red, she could tell) and shook his head.

“Not  _really_  your first time saying it, but I highly doubt that you remember mumbling it on rare occasion while you napped at the lab sometimes.”

Kurisu’s eyes widened and she lightly smacked Okabe on the shoulder. “And you never woke me up?! Are you an idiot?”

Okabe shrugged. “You’re the one that  _married_  said idiot, so who’s the bigger idiot?”

Kurisu just face palmed feeling clearly defeated and Okabe chuckled a bit. It was one of the aspects he loved about her; joking with her came so naturally.

“Joking, just joking is all.”

Kurisu just rolled her eyes, but she smiled back at Okabe despite his teasing. As soon as he began to walk forward, he reached forward wordlessly and intertwined his hand with hers, causing her to furiously blush.

“I don’t mind at all, Kurisu. Not one bit,” he looked down at her and smiled; not a Hououin Kyouma smile, but this time, a genuine, Okabe Rintarou smile.

They were new to their life together, but they also new that was one of the most exciting things; there were bound to be endless firsts and they were there to witness each other go through the process.

With that realization, Kurisu tightened her grip on his hand and felt herself smile. Letting her pride go, she deeply inhaled the night air, and continued to look straight ahead.

“I’m glad…Rintarou.”

This time, it was his turn to flush red as he immediately looked away from her and focused his eyes again to the sidewalk in front of him. Kurisu chuckled to herself and she snuck another glance at him.

It was nice to know that she had that same effect on him too.

* * *

 

> _I guess we’re made from the same weird stuff,  
> _ _Being a loser with you doesn’t suck._


End file.
